my life has always been intense.
there is only good or bad,
only black or white,
only love or hate,
only pain or joy
yet there is nothing in between.
these intense emotions
are a part of my life since ever
and there are a lot of moments
in which I’m asking myself
how long I can go on like this
because I can’t think of a time it was different.
I feel like my life
would be a never-ending trip
on a rollercoaster
yet I can’t get out,
no matter how bad I want to,
the rollercoaster never stops
and I don’t seem to ever get out.
up and down,
a rollercoaster ride through life,
yet I never liked rollercoasters
but maybe
having to live like this
is the explanation
for why I’ve always been so scared
to get on a rollercoaster
it just feels too familiar.
every time I was on a rollercoaster
the only thing I felt was anxiety
and I was thinking
that I’m going to die
all the time
this feeling is also a part of my everyday life.
sometimes I’m thinking
I can’t go on like this,
in the next moment
everything is over,
I’m going to die
yet I’m still alive.
and sometimes I’m flying so high
that I’m asking myself
how it’s possible
that I’ve ever felt that bad,
and how it’s possible
that this moment was not
that long ago
then I realize again
that it’s the same
when you’re on a rollercoaster