The best definition of love I’ve ever heard is: “Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting they won’t use it.“
@itsbookgains on Instagram
When seeing this post, it got me thinking –
What is love truly about?
Yes, of course love is about being vulnerable and trusting each other unconditionally, without limits, and that also means you are giving your partner the power to hurt you more than anyone or anything else, simply because you trust them so much that you also trust that they won’t use it against you.
But what if they would?
This question is accompanying me ever since I first opened up to someone who ended up breaking my heart by using exactly what I told them about myself against me. And I certainly don’t think any sort of pain is comparable to this. (Not that there is any way to compare sorts of pain in general, but I’m sure you get my point.)
When it’s about love, I suppose this is one of the worst things anyone could do to their partner.
So yes, it is a terrifying thought indeed, to imagine the harm that these people could do to you. People that you’ve trusted so much that you’ve opened up entirely to them, to show all of you without limits or compromise, and also trusted they won’t use this power against you.
On the other side though, it is a powerful thought to realize that there are people who make you feel so safe that you are not worried about them using anything against you – even if you’ve experienced exactly that in the past.
Thinking about it now – and looking back at my life – there have been moments in which I’ve felt very naïve and even guilty for being so sure about someone who eventually ended up hurting me more than I could have ever imagined, and acknowledging that it was me who gave them the power to do so.
They broke my trust –
and me, by using it against me.
Because of that, it’s almost impossible for me to only see the positive going within trusting someone unconditionally. Yes, there might be people who would never use these things against someone, but there are certainly some who would – and I’ve experienced it firsthand.
In conclusion, one could think I’m being naive when entirely opening up to someone again after being hurt, and that it could never be a good idea, maybe even that it’s a little stupid – or even thoughtless – to do so.
That’s a thought that’s always in the back of my head – every time I’m sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with someone, every time I’m opening up, every single time I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable.
It’s terrifying indeed, and it makes it very hard to actually do it, but –
Isn’t that what love truly is about?
To trust someone so much that all your fears, all past experiences, all heartbreaking moments and all the pain other people caused you seem irrelevant, or at least not significant? To overcome your fears and listen to your heart, and to trust them, even though there will always be the possibility that they could use this trust to hurt you intensely?